Showing posts with label kindergarten humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kindergarten humor. Show all posts

Monday, September 30, 2019

Another Day in the Life of a Kindergarten Teacher: Humorous Notes Home to Families


I've written and sent home some awesome I-need-your-help notes to my students' families over the past twenty-four-ish years.  Always a favorite is the "appropriate restroom behavior" message.  

Here's this year's draft:

Good morning, Super Star Families,

After some instances of silliness in the large group restrooms in the first and second grade "pit" hallway by our kindergarteners last week, we're going to spend some time this week practicing safe, kind, and helpful behavior in pairs so that we can better utilize restrooms located throughout the building when needed. 

Shared boys' and girls' bathrooms certainly have their appeal: friends, even siblings can appear in them, making for happy reunions and chatter.  And the acoustics!  Echoes are FUN!  With a seeming absence of adult supervision, pumping seventeen squirts of soap into one's hands (dropping much of it onto the tile floor, making it very slippery) and/or pulling wads and wads (and wads, and w-a-d-s) of paper towels out of the dispenser is awfully tempting, and dare I say it... exciting!

Girls are being loud and giggly, especially while sneaking peeks through stall doors, while several of our boys find it exceedingly funny to, *ahem*, wiggle-waggle certain parts of their anatomy at one another (and other students from other grades) while they use the urinals.  Yes, yes, I'll understand if you want to forward this message to grandparents, aunts and uncles: kindergarten teachers DO write some very funny notes! 

Shared restrooms are high-traffic areas, and are FULL of germs and toileting messes.  As such, they're not playgrounds, meeting areas, or party zones.  With one custodian available during school hours, purposely spilled soap and wasted paper towels make restrooms dangerous and even more unhygienic.  Many children appreciate privacy when using the toilets and have a difficult time "going" when they're distracted or apprehensive about someone else peeking, climbing under (ew, on the floor) or "pretending" to try to push open the stall door. As for the "wiggle-waggles," no first, second, older grade students needing to use the restroom, or building staff investigating unusual noise want to walk in on a different kind of "flash" mob from the boys.

Thank you for speaking with your Star today and reiterating our bathroom expectations with him or her several times this week. Your reinforcement will help make it possible for us to be allowed to use restrooms in locations other than our classrooms. Hopefully, I've not caused you to blow coffee out of your nose while reading this morning.


Have a great day,

M.


Yes, I think "wiggle-waggle" is the real takeaway for my boys' families, while "ew, on the floor" will be the gem for the girls'. 

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Kindergarten Teacher Truth: The Laughing Emoji Encapsulates Some Days Perfectly

Star 1: Teacher! HE SAID MY FARTS FLY!
Me: Uh... what?
Star 1: He said my farts FLY!
Star 2: No I didn't.
Star 1: Yes he did!
Star 2: That's NOT what I said, I said-
Star 1: Yes he DID!
Me: Uh... wait... come here please (both a buy-myself-some-time-so-I-respond-correctly AND good-lord-I-need-these-two-to-stop-shouting-this-across-the-room-right-now tactic).
~Stars 1 and 2 approach my desk~
Me: Now, with an inside voice, please explain what has happened.
Star 1: We were playing with the dolls and puppets, well, I was playing with the dolls and puppets and HE was playing somethin' else and-
Star 2: I don't want to play with the dolls and puppets. I was making dinner (dramatic play center).
Star 1: Yeah, he was making dinner, and I showed him, well I wanted to show him that I put the clothes on the baby AND on a puppet, but he wouldn't look, and I asked him again, and he wouldn't look, and then he said my farts fly.
Star 2: I didn't want to look at the doll. I was busy making dinner, and I was almost done.
Me: Did you say something to her when she tried to show you the dolls?
Star 2: Yeah, I told her "I'm cooking. I can't look right now."
Star 1: AND THEN HE SAID MY FARTS FLY!
Star 2: (sighing) No, I didn't say your farts fly. *** I SAID*** I don't give a flying fart if you dressed up the baby. I'm cooking dinner!
Me: (dying on the inside, amazingly straight-faced on the outside) Honey, is that a nice way to talk to a friend at school? Next time please tell her that you'll look in a little bit, or ask her to show another friend.
Star 1: Yeah, don't tell me that my farts fly! That's not nice.
And then I sent them back to the dramatic play center.
That's right, I GAVE UP.
There was no neat and tidy resolution.
I couldn't embrace the teachable moment because I was too filled with desperation to not let loose with wild peals of laughter.

*****

Do you have any idea how *awesome* this week's parent teacher conferences are going to be?


Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Amen



Our last story of the day was "Mean Soup," about a little boy named Horace who had a TERRIBLE day and arrived home "feeling mean." To cheer him up, his mother had him make Mean Soup, a recipe that included screaming into a pot of water, growling at it, banging the side of the pot, and breathing their best "dragon breath" into the broth. Once Horace's mood was lifted (because really, whose mood *wouldn't be* after breathing dragon breath into a big ol' pot?), he and his mother had an enjoyable end to their day.

After I turned the last page, and then closed the book, a Star exhaled "Amen." 

Every other classmate nodded and added "uh huh."

#IPuffyHeartLoveThisClass #ThisIsWhyITeach #ReadingIsAffirming #OfCourseIGiggled #Amen

Monday, September 21, 2015

Today's Kindergarten Ha-Ha


Even after twenty years of teaching, I learn something new every day!

"Tapling" a paper isn't the same as "stapling."

~grin~


Thursday, April 16, 2015

You Can't Make This Stuff Up...

After nineteen years of teaching kindergarten, I know this to be true:

You can't make this stuff up, but you can ~certainly~ write it down.

Enjoy.

*****

Discussing our upcoming field trip to a nature park:

Star 1:  Mrs. Sommerville, are we gonna talk about our moms coming with us?

Me:  Sure.  Raise your hand if your mother is joining us for our field trip.

~ five or six hands shoot up into the air ~

Star 1:  Whose dads are coming?

~ two hands wave ~

Star 2:  Raise your hand if you think we're gonna see bugs on our field trip!

~  eight or nine hands go up ~

Star 3:  Raise your hand if you're scared of bugs!

~ two hands s-l-o-w-l-y rise ~

Star 1:  Raise your hand if your mom is a TOTAL freaker-outer when a bug comes near her!

~  TWENTY-ONE hands flail wildly ~

*****

While writing numbers on a 100's chart at our math center:

Star 1:  Did you know pie (Pi) is a number?

Star 2:  Uh, what?

Star 1:  Did you know pie (Pi) is a number?

Star 2: Uh, no.  What are you talking about?

Star 1:  Pie (Pi) is a number!  My brother told me!

~ a few moments of silence pass ~

Star 2:  Is cake a number too?

Star 1:  I don't know.

*****

While playing out at recess, one of my Stars left the field where he had been kicking a soccer ball with a friend, and ran over to me:

Star 1:  Mrs. Sommerville!  Mrs. Sommerville!  I forgot to tell you!

Me:  Tell me what?

Star 1:  That I don't hafta go to soccer practice after school any more!

Me:  Really?  Why don't you have to go to soccer practice?

Star 1:  'Cause I told my mom and dad that I HATE soccer, but I really don't.

Me:  Do you like playing soccer?

Star 1:  Yeah, I like it, but I told my mom and dad that I hate it.

Me:  Why did you tell them that?

Star 1: 'Cause I don't like it when other kids on my team kick the ball and hit me in the penis, or kick the ball and hit me in the head.  It HURTS!

~ Off he ran, before I could think of a response... thankfully ~

*****

Near the end of recess:

Star 1 (a girl, running by, being chased by two boys):  Nanny nanny boo-boo!

Star 2 (one of the chasers): Hey, I almost caught you!

Star 3 (the other chaser): Wait!  Wait!

Star 1: NANNY NANNY BOO-BOO!

Star 2:  WHAT DID SHE SAY?

Star 3:  "NANNY NANNY" SOMETHING!

Star 1:  NANNY NANNY BOO-BOO!

Star 2:  Hey!  That sounds like "Nanny nanny POO-POO!"

Star 3:  No!  No!  Ha ha!  That sounds like "Nanny nanny DOO-DOO!"

~ laugher ensues from both boys, who stop running to roar, wheeze, and laugh some more ~

Star 1 (stops running, and approaches me, scowling): Mrs. Sommerville, how come boys always like to talk about poop?  Poop isn't funny.

*****

As I'm reading Goldilocks and the Three Bears:

Me: ... then Goldilocks felt sleepy, and went upstairs to the bears' bedroom.

Star 1:  Whoaaaaaahhhhhhh, that girl is gonna be TOAST!

Star 2:  What?  Why?

Star 1:  'Cause she's being bad!  She's breaking and... breaking and... BREAKING AND GOING IN!

Star 2:  O...oh.  O-k-a-y.

*****

I'm always grateful that I cry my mascara and eye liner off due to happy tears, and not sad ones.  Kindergartners are the ~ best ~. 







Saturday, January 31, 2015

Coffee-to-Student Inquiry Ratio

Now that the 100th Day of Kindergarten milestone has been reached, our 100 chart has been changed into a Countdown Until Summer (or First Grade) chart. With some seventy-ish days to go, one of my Stars inadvertently opened up the floor to a clarification meeting this morning, making me realize that I should have splurged on a drink from Starbucks before getting to school.


Star 1: "Mrs. Sommerville, are we counting down to summer, first grade, or both?"

Me: Well, that depends. It definitely counts down to summer, but it also counts down to the LAST day of kindergarten. What will you be when you aren't kindergarteners anymore?

Star 2: "Graduates?"

Star 3: "No, we won't be ~gra-jee-ate-ed~, we'll be ready for first grade."

Star 1: "So we're counting down to lots of things, and they all happen on the same day?"

Me: Well, let's try to...

Star 4: "No, no, nonono, I've got it. We're going to take a day off (Star 1: "You mean SUBTRACT, we're going to SUBTRACT...")... okay, yes, yeah yeah yeah, we're going to SUBTRACT a day off of the chart, and when we get to the last ten days, we're supposed to get ready to move to another classroom. Is that right?"

Star 5: "Uh, do the first grade teachers know this?"

Star 4: "Am I right?"

Star 6: "One thing at a time. Okay. ~inhale~ We're going to subtract. I can do that. And we're going to get ready for vacation. I like vacations! I went to Disney last year!"

Star 4: "AM... I... RIGHT??????"

Star 7: "Maybe we should have just gone to first grade yesterday, you know. The first 100 days are for kindergarten, and then on the one hundred and... the one hundred and (Star 1: "The one hundred and FIRST...")... yeah! On the one hundred and, uh... (Star 1: "FIRST!")... YEAH! On THAT day, we go to first grade!

Star 1: "How come you can say first grade but not one hundred and first?"

Star 7: "What?"

Star 4: "I don't think I'm right."

... and that's when I knew I had miscalculated the amount of coffee that today was going to require.

Friday, October 24, 2014

"Teacher, I Have Magic Pants!"


"See?  Watch me, I'll show you!  I put the rocks in my pocket..."


"... and after I wiggle around a little bit (wiggle wiggle, dance, wiggle), they're gone!"

Sure enough, my Super Star's pocket was completely turned out and ~empty~!

Using a whisper voice, she then confided, "Mrs. Sommerville, they're not REALLY magic pants.  There's a hole in my pocket!  Don'ttellanyoneplease!  See?"

After looking around to see if any classmates were watching, she pulled open the cuff of the bottom of her jeans, and out rolled the rocks:


"Ta-daaaaaaaa" she whispered enthusiastically!

It's just another reason why I love kindergartners.

They can still teach me new tricks.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Spring Chick Art

Maybe she's born with it... maybe it's Maybelline:


Ha!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Sometimes You Have to Call in a Favor


... which is why I'm grateful to be on good terms with The Desk Fairy.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Truth About Elves (a Cautionary Tale)

... sure, they're cute.

They help Santa.

Occasionally they sit on shelves.

The paper variety are wonderful for cutting practice:




**~However~**, as my Super Stars and I found out today, ~if you add sparkley glitter to their hats~ and leave the room for **any length of time** (certainly long enough for the students to visit the music room and for the teacher to get a Diet Coke from the staff lounge machine), the elves may get a little...

...mischievous.

Oh.... my...

They climb into the window sills:


They frolic above the bulletin boards:


They climb the walls and hang from the ceiling:


They perch themselves above the door, just waiting to sneak out into the hallway:


And they hover above our books and stories at circle:



You've been **warned!**