Another Day in the Life of a Kindergarten Teacher: Humorous Notes Home to Families

I've written and sent home some awesome I-need-your-help notes to my students' families over the past twenty-four-ish years.  Always a favorite is the "appropriate restroom behavior" message.  

Here's this year's draft:

Good morning, Super Star Families,

After some instances of silliness in the large group restrooms in the first and second grade "pit" hallway by our kindergarteners last week, we're going to spend some time this week practicing safe, kind, and helpful behavior in pairs so that we can better utilize restrooms located throughout the building when needed. 

Shared boys' and girls' bathrooms certainly have their appeal: friends, even siblings can appear in them, making for happy reunions and chatter.  And the acoustics!  Echoes are FUN!  With a seeming absence of adult supervision, pumping seventeen squirts of soap into one's hands (dropping much of it onto the tile floor, making it very slippery) and/or pulling wads and wads (and wads, and w-a-d-s) of paper towels out of the dispenser is awfully tempting, and dare I say it... exciting!

Girls are being loud and giggly, especially while sneaking peeks through stall doors, while several of our boys find it exceedingly funny to, *ahem*, wiggle-waggle certain parts of their anatomy at one another (and other students from other grades) while they use the urinals.  Yes, yes, I'll understand if you want to forward this message to grandparents, aunts and uncles: kindergarten teachers DO write some very funny notes! 

Shared restrooms are high-traffic areas, and are FULL of germs and toileting messes.  As such, they're not playgrounds, meeting areas, or party zones.  With one custodian available during school hours, purposely spilled soap and wasted paper towels make restrooms dangerous and even more unhygienic.  Many children appreciate privacy when using the toilets and have a difficult time "going" when they're distracted or apprehensive about someone else peeking, climbing under (ew, on the floor) or "pretending" to try to push open the stall door. As for the "wiggle-waggles," no first, second, older grade students needing to use the restroom, or building staff investigating unusual noise want to walk in on a different kind of "flash" mob from the boys.

Thank you for speaking with your Star today and reiterating our bathroom expectations with him or her several times this week. Your reinforcement will help make it possible for us to be allowed to use restrooms in locations other than our classrooms. Hopefully, I've not caused you to blow coffee out of your nose while reading this morning.

Have a great day,

M.

Yes, I think "wiggle-waggle" is the real takeaway for my boys' families, while "ew, on the floor" will be the gem for the girls'. 

Kindergarten Cop: I've Got Questions

When I began my teaching career in 1994, Kindergarten Cop, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, had already been seen in theaters.  For whatever reason, I didn't watch the movie until after I had taught for two years, and like everyone else, I thought the most entertaining and hysterically charming scene was the one featuring a student sharing his prior schema about anatomy:



Over the next fourteen or fifteen years, I could watch maybe ten minutes of the movie at most when I'd stumble across it while channel-surfing, especially the comedic scenes of the first fire drill, and the awwwww Gettysburg address.  I had the predictable and appropriate visceral responses when Mr. Kimble hit the father who had a history of wife and child abuse, and when firearms were taken into the school and used by the father/grandmother villainous duo.  When introduced to someone unfamiliar with teaching, I'd occasionally be asked "Oh, so you're just like Kindergarten Cop, right?" to which I'd jokingly respond "Yep, only they don't give me a gun."  Laughter all around.

Then around five or six years ago, I couldn't bring myself to watch any of the movie at any time, anywhere, for any reason, thanks to the day-to-day routines of my profession evolving to include the real life possibility of school shootings, standardized test overkill posing as pedagogy, and kindergarten being turned into the new first grade.  There was no charm to be found in the movie any longer.  My husband even noticed that I wouldn't watch it, so we moved on to establishing a new list of ol' faithfuls and preferred standbys for our movie nights, none of them kindergarten or teaching-related.

Last weekend we were flipping through cable channels on a rare afternoon of not having a Netflix mini-series to watch, and there it was, Kindergarten Cop.

We didn't watch all of it, but we did see enough to generate some fresh questions, such as "Who gave Kimball a jeans day coupon on his first day of work?" and "How did the custodial staff refrain from hiring a hit man to off Mr. Kimble?"  Seriously, LOOK at the walls and floors.



If anyone needs PD on Teaching With Love and Logic or The Leader in Me, it's Kimball, am I right?




Where are the nut/food allergy warning signs?  Perhaps we'll find our answers in the straight-to-DVD Kindergarten Cop 2, yes, TWO.  And this time it's Dolph.

Is that peanut butter on his face?



Have you seen it?  Will I enjoy it?  Here's hoping.

What Do You Mean, "Coffee" ISN'T a Sight Word?

What do you mean, "coffee" isn't a kindergarten sight word?

Whoops.

Guess I learned something new today.

#NeverStopLearning

What I've Learned Over Summer Break (So Far)

Sounds like that obnoxious essay we had to write the first week we were back in elementary, middle, or even high school, doesn't it?  I never liked having to write it, because it was much more efficient to just tell friends and teachers that I read books, crocheted, watched t.v., did chores, and then read some more books, no s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g or "expanding upon a theme" required.

Short.

Sweet.

To the point.

And now that I'm a forty-five year old wife, mother, kindergarten teacher, blogger, crafter, coffee drinker and cookie baker, here I am.

Typing.

About what I've learned this summer.

Oh the irony (which could be the opposite of "wrinkly," in some of my students' minds).

No three page papers, double spaced here though, okie dokie?  A list will suffice.

• I taught myself how to create slides, posters, work pages and labels via Powerpoint, all by my lonesome.  That's right, now there's a Teachers Pay Teachers button in my sidebar.  Go me.
• Lurking and even participating in education-related Twitter chats is an awesome way to build and learn from a global PLN.  Once school starts up again, my favorites will likely end up being the ones that post questions in advance so I can set my responses and additional questions into the queue on Tweetdeck to auto-post.  Yeah, I've become THAT tweep.  Thanks #TeacherFriends, #edchat, #ResilienceChat, #G2Great, #KinderChat, #SatChat, #SunChat and #KSEdchat. You ROCK.
• There's no rhyme or reason to my summer teaching goals except for the fact that they're always related to making my Super Stars' learning environment exciting, inspiring, fun, and safe. One summer I sorted all of the math and ELA manipulatives into easy-to-distribute containers and bags.  Last year I painted wooden toys to eliminate graffiti, er, "environmental print" that a student had added.  I modified inherited storage, making materials more mobile on a rolling cart which helped as my students used every available surface, corner, and hidey hole in the classroom.  This summer, it has been all about the books. Sorting books, donating books, buying books, and creating my longest ever wish list on Amazon.com.  Sure hope Santa or some generous benefactor looks me up and surprises me with them all.  A teacher can dream.
• It takes me exactly thirty-three days out of school to lose track of what day it is.  Now THAT'S data.
•  You know how Lucy always freaks out after Snoopy kisses her, dancing around, arms flailing wildly, screaming "Ugh! My lips have been touched by DOG LIPS?"  Turns out I have a VERY similar reaction when I'm outside watering plants and a frog jumps out from the leaves and attaches itself to my bare ankle. And.  Won't.  Let.  Go.  A few more energetic kicks in an attempt to ~fling~ the frog off of my foot perhaps, but the same number of "ughs" and gags.  And flailing.  I've got the moves... like... Lucy.

I learned that last one just this morning. 

Yes, I'll admit I washed my ankle.

Twice.

What have YOU learned this summer?

Perception VS. Truth

Teacher Truth: educators don't sleep in coffins all summer.

We stalk the Target $1 Spot until classroom manipulatives, organization and decor items are unboxed, and then descend upon its bins like a swarm of ... well... teachers.

(Thanks to Bill Watterson)

Freebie: Summer Bingo Cards for Teachers

I've been having fun with PowerPoint and clip art lately, and have certainly been enjoying the start to my summer.  Want to play along?  Here's a freebie Summer Bingo Card  TWO Bingo cards, just for teachers:

How many boxes will  you fill by the end of the first week of summer vacation?

What Teacher Prep Programs Don't Teach You: Snow Day Magic

There's no school today due to snowy, cold and icy weather, and I've got plans for how to spend my free time:

Enjoying the eye candy found in magazines, crocheting a bit, and figuring out springtime craft projects that will utilize pastel-dotted dominoes.

Students aren't the only ones who enjoy snow days, you know.

Why do you think teachers encourage them to create snow day ~magic~ by sharing special instructions when helpful weather is on the way?

Directions:

Do a snow dance.

Wear pajamas inside out.

Put ice cubes in the toilet.

Place a spoon under your pillow.

Just one more thing teacher prep programs DON'T teach you.

Teacher Definition: Autumn

Today's Non-Newbie Teacher Humor

Pieces of Flair: Teacher Humor and Truth

...are you singing now?

(found here)




... especially when the principal walks in and wonders if your lesson took a little detour!

(same Etsy shop, but here)



... share this one with your librarians.

(here)



(H-E-R-E)

...and ~cough cough~:



(found here)

Thanks BeanForest!

My Teacher Humor, a.k.a. "It's Obvious that I'm Easily Amused"

... because I'm seriously considering bundles of these (or combo-bundles with some of each) as Halloween treats this year:





Never fear, I'll let this sugar rush pass before I decide whether or not these will be passed out to trick-or-treaters or if I'll just leave them for other teachers in the teachers' lounge...

You are what you eat.

~*wink*~

*****
Looking for easy and fun Halloween crafts for your students?  Head over to MyHealthySchool.com to find instructions for spiders and bats made out of egg cartons, milk jug pumpkins and ghost wind socks...

Move through the slideshow at Country Living to find the cutest candied apples and candy corn-inspired cookies....

Ramblings of a Crazy Woman shares a recipe for INEDIBLE pumpkin pie play dough...

*****
Not allowed to wear traditional costumes for Halloween at your school?  Why not host a dress-up day featuring characters from favorite stories, fairy tales and poems?

*****

Anyone Notice a Theme?

I rarely watch television, but when I do, I love it when commercials *catch my eye*!

Try this commercial for Minute Maid's new "Enhanced Juice Drink:"



(Thanks to Kelly for sharing!)

...this old Volvo commercial:



...and our favorite Aflac duck:

You're 100% ALL TEACHER...

It could be beginning-of-the-school-year-hysteria setting in, or it might be the fact that I'm actually **ready** to meet my students on Monday...

Whatever the reason, I have some teacher sassiness starting to bubble over and with the help of BlogLand, I'm happy to share!

Never fear, I won't try stand-up comedy anytime soon.

Yes, I'm aware the following list pretty much reflects only moi!

Enjoy.

*****

You know you're 100% ALL TEACHER when:

* Your eyes glaze over, your heartbeat slows, and you exhale a contented sigh when faced with a stack of p-e-r-f-e-c-t-l-y laminated desk top name tags and posters.

* Your clothes are sorted by curriculum units and themes (Dr. Seuss shirt= March; heart socks=February, etc.)

* You wake up, mid-nightmare, to jot down the names of two students who should NOT be seated next to one another. Yes, yes, yes, even though it was *just* a nightmare, your teacher-sense is never wrong about those kinds of things.

* You save grocery and shopping receipts for items like "Ziploc bags," "wooden clothespins," and "cotton balls" along with the teacher store receipts with those more telltale items "sentence strips," " bulletin board trimmers," or "incentive chart stickers" for your taxes.

* In August, you take bets with other colleagues on what the newest catch phrase will be that you'll hear and read ad nauseum during each and every professional development training meeting that you'll have to attend throughout the year.

* You've ever been tempted (or encouraged another colleague) to create an annual tally sheet or bingo cards with those catch phrases on them so that staff meetings stay discreetly entertaining.

* You become confused when more school terminology is unnecessarily changed to reflect a more politically correct, respectful or clarified tone.

Example: this year our classroom aides are to be called "assistants."

Definition: aide- Someone who acts as an assistant.

Definition: assistant - A person who is subordinate to another; someone who contributes to the fulfillment of a need or furtherance of an effort or purpose.

Sooooo- if I continue to call my classroom aide my AIDE, it's implied that she is, in fact, my ASSISTANT, right?

* You're easily distracted by semantic-play, misspellings, typos, and grammatical errors.

Comic

Can you tell? It's me!

Thanks to Kevin for the link to MakeBeliefsComix.com!