Not sure if Jeff Foxworthy really added a list like this to his joke repertoire, but it's fun to share and contribute to:
You might be a teacher if...
You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one
belongs to the child out of line.
You get a secret thrill out of laminating something.
You walk into a store and hear the words 'It's Ms/Mr. _________'
and know you have been spotted.
You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time
You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty-five minutes.
You've trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct
times of the day: lunch and prep period.
You start saving other people's trash, because most likely, you
can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the
You believe the teachers' lounge should be equipped with a
You want to slap the next person who says 'Must be nice to work 7
to 3 and have summers off.'
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says
'Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.'
You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their
behavior when you are out in public.
You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own
You can't pass the school supply aisle without getting at least
You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a
'good choice or a bad choice.'
You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened
You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer.
You have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, "Now
I understand why your kid is the way they are," after
meeting the parents.
You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own
box on report cards.
You hand pieces of paper to your friends and make
them spit out their gum in front of you.
You correct a total stranger's grammar errors.
Any sustained loud noise causes you to impulsively
flick the light switch on and off.
You think it's normal to go through four years of
college to earn a salary that's below the poverty
You send another adult to detention for using
four-letter words in public... and they go.
Don't tell me you're not laughing! Now add to the list!